[US trip April 2018]: the Sequoias

I knew they were big trees. I've known for awhile. but i didn't research them etc. etc. I just chose to stay in Visalia, CA at an airbnb. It was a beautiful drive. I reached in the evening. Chris...my host...he was sorta big...with mustache and beard that don't touch each other...he crossed his arms while speaking or listening...in the house there was a cat and dog...the cat interacted with me the next day. he told me about General Sherman...the oldest and largest living tree...some 2,000-3,000 years old.

The nice thing about not researching is that you hear and discover things for the first time...like when Chris said..another human to me...he told me things...and he said...when you go up there...oh...whatever your religion is...buddha...doesn't matter...you'll see god there...you'll feel it.

that evening i went to visalia downtown...ate dinner at a mexican place i think...too high end for my liking. it was monday night i think so the downtown looked abandoned. next morning i recall waking up naturally at 6am...there was the marketing call...after that i went to WinCo to buy stuff...that lady there at the counter...she told me that after working for 10 years everyone becomes an owner...chris warned me to not leave food in the car because the bears can smell it...i spoke to mummy and nana from the car outside...

there was a traffic jam while getting to the sequoias. I stopped to pee at one history/local museum type place. they said on a sign to make a donation.

the first view of the sequoias was stunning. here was me and my car...and there was this huge, huge tree. i opened the windows...drove more slowly...staring at this unbelievable sight. the air...it was fresh...very fresh...and cool. i might've stuck my head out too. suddenly i also felt that sensation you feel when you come face to face with an obvious whiff of the Creator...

i drove...reaching the main park area. i bought that constellations cards thing for ahaan. possibly those cards for swaraj and ahaan. outside...i was on another call. i think after 40min or so i started driving because it was already afternoon. midway i lost the connection.

and i drove...to that point...where everything was...chris had mentioned Moro rock...so I started on that trail...but somewhere along the way I went in a loop, got lost...and ended up going towards Hanging Rock. Which was nice too. In the far distance I saw moro rock. i saw families...with babies hung onto them...walking here and there. A little while before...I settled in on a giant Sequoia...i took a video etc. I laid down my bag. sat there. so wonderful it was. magnificent. quite easily God-like. A few thousand years old. Far older than me. It just stood steady. Alive. Sturdy and yet very, very gentle. Calm. Strong. It embodied everything. Old. Aging. And yet alive and young. New. Fresh. It would let me do whatever I wanted. And yet its demeanor wouldn't let me do whatever I wanted. I felt connected. It was like me laying on Mother Sequoia's lap. It's roots go far deep into the earth.

I went inside a burnt tree. Hollow on the inside. But the outer surface existed. Graham (from Kansas or was it Kentucky...I think Kansas) whom I met later told me that when the tree catches fire...it burns off the dead...inside of the tree is dead...outside is alive. So I went inside this giant tree...following some kids who did it by crawling...and it felt cool, silent...the tree felt as though it's simply being, listening to everything around. Not reacting. Just doing its thing...of being. whatever the world may do or not do.

The fires make the Sequoias. They destroy everything around including the Sequoias themselves...and Graham said the heat let's the seeds come out...fall on the ground that's cleaned by the fire...ash...and several thousands of seeds around...and only a few grow to be plants...and from those plants...only few grow bigger...and only few from that grow even bigger...and 2,000 to 3,000 years later...may only one or two or few survive to be the Sequoias...the largest in the world...by volume. Adding ring after ring each year. Yes, it humbles you and everything that you drive yourself crazy over at work or whatever. Nature does its thing slowly, steadily...with lots of redundancy. It's taking a million chances before a tree grows up to give rise to more trees. Nature uses the same tool - fire - to make Sequoias and destroy them. And that's mystical and magical. It's seeking for a certain universal harmony...where there's nothing really that's good or bad or any label...it simply is.

The forest ranger (a lady) told me to drive to general sherman. And yet I wanted to walk. Then I met an old couple. I asked them how long would it take this trail to the giants...they said there was a lot of snow...it was already 4.30p...and it gets dark in the forest sooner...i had sports shoes...and I finally decided to drive. Good decision.

I got to spend time in the area of general sherman. named by someone in the army after his general. there were lots of people here. Stupidly I don't think I dressed appropriately...felt cold I think. I went to the tree...connected...asked if there were messages for the tribe...said, allow Nature to work on you and through you...

here's something about general sherman...

With a height of 83.8 meters (275 ft), a diameter of 7.7 m (25 ft), an estimated bole volume of 1,487 m³(52,513 cu ft), and an estimated age of 2,300–2,700 years, it is nevertheless among the tallest, widest, and longest-lived of all trees on the planet.

I had my fill...i would've definitely liked to stay on...and be inside the giant forest. still it was dusk and i had to go. i noticed i wanted good photos...to share with people...and i wondered how long will i keep running after these things...of showing off...of vanity...when will i simply be...

On the way back...I went off on another trail...to reach the parking lot. Seemed like a short cut? instead of the steps. And I was lost. Huh? I waited...I knew it'll be stupid to get lost at this time. So I closed my eyes...trusted my intuition on the direction where I should be walking. It was to the right...like north-east from where I was...and I moved in that direction. Soon I heard a car honking...thank you! And I knew I simply had to walk towards the sound. In a few min, I was back at the parking lot.

The girl at the park entrance had suggested I could drive up to King's County national park...and take another road straight down to visalia. Anyways...google maps etc. wouldn't work in these areas. I went...drove straight ahead to King's county...no cars were around. Everyone must've gone home. The parks itself are open through the night. They give you a 7-day pass. You can even camp there. I saw a beautiful sunset there. It was very very nice. I kept listening to songs on my itunes...i remember charlie puth :) it's linked to Ahaan's musical at school for me...

The way down was windy...and with darkness...difficult. I don't like driving fast and was holding up a car or two behind. I was also tired. Quite tired I think. Lack of sleep generally and the day. Finally after may be two hours or so reached Visalia. Was happy to reach. Chris had even checked with me via email. I went straight to a chinese restaurant...had a beer...so satisfying. Took the food togo. She didn't give me rice. Didn't matter. Came back. Happily ate...something mixed veg? broccoli? Ya, I ate a very tasty broccoli thing in brooklyn on bed-sty the night I reached there.

I slept well. Late. And left the ancients, the giants the next morning. Towards Pradeep's place in SFO.

[US trip april 2018]: people and what they said...

let's see...i met so many people...business, professional, family, friends, strangers...

• the english literature phd airbnb person...this is the most intuitive experience i've had since my childhood
• the michigan student who told me about the german town of westphalia of less than thousand people...I want to go back someday and work there
• sctt...you have to tell me specifically why you say we are siloed...who is telling you that we are
• ajy...yaar tu mera ek bada doubt toh clear hi kar diya (at that coffee shop)...tu kahin na kahin kheenchke leke hi jata hai
• pal...why don't you just come in and we'll chat..(ajy and i cold-walked into wdi...)
• wndy...come let me hug you (end of mtg)
• smit...hey man...my cousin she's gone all vegan and got those curved jaws...that's what i want
• cow business plan competitors...indian breeds don't give much milk
• gaytri...ck made time for everything...for everyone (during the b-plan competitions)
• andri...i knew already you'd say that
• the girl from burkina faso who introduced me to cortado coffee...oh, you know where burkina faso is?
• maxine who took us on a cycle trip in harlem...if you cut your hand and my hand...the blood is the same color (in jacob's restaurant)
• the armenian sculptor who keeps building his rock sculptures (sisyphus rocks) even after people keep pushing them down...keep doing (said without actually saying)
• Raymond @NYSS...you are welcome to go back there...I modeled in the morning myself
• visl...I'd choose back massage over sex anyday (bed-sty, brooklyn)
• visl...everyone wants to change the world but themselves
• shrl...I want to do this for you...right now (and she sent out intro emails)
• mishel...that's it? you don't have any brochures...it's all you...great (in response to me saying...why do you need anything else when you have me in front of you)
• man in gym...sir, so do you squeeze and push forward while lifting those? (kettle bells)
• the deer...stared and stared (in the tenafly forest, we were really close)
• entrepreneur with achalasia...this conversation was disturbing but very useful to me
• prasdm...medicineman...you can buy mushrooms there...they say sometimes cures cancer
• cc...big...big (in flushing)
• girl near MTA vending machine...Fuck you, I am trying to earn a living (in response to me saying, this is not the way...she tried to force-help find the right bus and ask money for it)
• jn...am sorry I've not been myself since my dog died...
• swraj...I see myself as a jazz player (in the car on way to chitti's in dc)
• prash...did he say purugulu? (joking after thru telling us to eat punugulu in dc...purugulu means bugs like cockroaches...punugulu means bondas type)
• green person after accalasia...even white people do...see
• carid...I don't want to see them...I'm too angry
• Mila...you look like you need some fixing up here (and she brewed coffee, heated pizza that brought back life...it was afternoon, i was coming after carid, exhausted)
• Lady in cafeteria...oh on his birthday they send him such big cakes...he's a great and kind man...he hired me too (re dr isw...she's mom-in-law of myra)
• ykti...i was nervous...would you think of me as less cool now?
• ykti...you are very persistent...that's what s-hil said...(and she booked her tickets to slc an hour after I left)
• prshanth...you'll see gurudwaras on the way there...
• man from visalia...whatever religion you practice...buddha...whatever...it doesn't matter...you'll see god amongst those great trees
• graham the bearded guy from kansas at sequoias...i'll remember that place...blanket...chadar in hindi...the fire makes the sequoias and also destroys them
• forest ranger lady...drive to general sherman...it's already late...plus there's snow on the trail
• prbhu...you can know potassium levels by big data analysis of EKG readings
• shankr...macha you still sound the same..(i was facing the door in pd's office reception area)
• mnish...the singular factor why people sign up is the quickest time you get back when they inquire or when they need
• ami...tell me all about it...what went wrong that day (on the dining table)
• gndu...machine learning is difficult
• vjay...google paid half million to that phd student for machine learning
• princ...hemorrhoid banding...(in that wine place in palo alto)
• sorb's mom...when children are saying these sandals look good, it must be
• hena's dad...your office is in malad? and your son...how's he? your wife where's she working...
• samr...i'm in a happy place right now (while sharing ice-cream from that old shop in burlingame)
• homeless man...no, I can walk...my parents died, then my wife died...I have liver cancer (outside mexican restaurant in SLC downtown...head totally bent, all his clothes and possessions behind, fingers thick...cigarette stubs all around)
• 74 year old uber driver...i drive to meet new people instead of staying home alone
• raul the ceo...i'm doing this 8-16 hour diet for last 3 weeks to control diabetes
• cowboy m who's lived off the grid for 10 years and narrated his out-of-body experience...that happened on the day hale bob comet went past the earth...there was so much of love there...(later)...i've been alone all this while...all of you...it's been glad...
• terri...it's so great to see you enjoy us and all that we do...and allowing us to enjoy you
• 89 year old hal...you are like my son
• hal...lemme tell you a racist joke
• hal...she's my lady friend...she was an air hostess when she was young (she's 85 now, there was a black and white pic of her in front of the plane)
• hal...you let him pet you Madison (madison is a cat...much like a fearful child...she kept running away...she's never been outside the house)
• hal...never refuse nuts when someone offers you (and he ate some)
• hal who supports gun ownership...guns don't kill people...people do
• pal...jesus fucking christ...dad...
• diane...they asked us to leave after 40 years...it wasn't fair...we just want to see patients...don't need a salary...and we want to take care of our two wonderful employees
• cliff...you should've seen a lot of game there at this time of the year...
• isha...i'll count to 19 this time (while playing hide and seek)
• s-hil...you...you are a good boy (while driving to airport)
• man next to me on plane...you really went to idaho?....we are on a choir trip to ny
• chck...they are these mba types who are smart and think they know everything
• musical note person...i'm not reading that shit (alex haley's roots)
• phil...i never stay in a job this long...it'll be 5 years...i don't know what i want...i just want challenges
• chtra...hmmm...yes you follow up...it's all healing isn't it
• pd...anna it filled my heart when you both spoke so much that day
• nanimama...plus (means in addition to bad lifestyle contributing to problematic health)...the babies are now subjected to a new babysitter...the phone
• joke I heard and enjoyed in idaho...a hunter is stopped by the forest ranger. He has a bag of dead ducks. The officer pulls out the first one, sticks his finger in the duck's ass, smells and says - this is from Nevada, do you have the shooting license? Hunter says yes. Then he repeats, says - this is from Utah, do you have the license? Hunter says yes. Then Texas follows. Finally, the ranger asks him, where the hell are you from anyways? So the hunter unbuckles his belt, pulls his pants down and says, you are the smart ass, you tell me where I'm from...

there are lots more...will update as and when i remember...

[US trip April 2018]: Idaho

What a trip it's been! I'm sitting on the couch in Hal's living room. Paul's on the side...preparing for his dmv test tom. watching american idol...flipping through channels.

the trip's been great education for me...in more ways than one. particularly about deep, middle america. nothing can teach you more than living, speaking, breaking bread with others. it's only in doing so that we can empathize or learn to feel for the other. nagsh said 'poor guy' to cowboy...because he sees only the part of him that lives alone in the mountains...that's where we don't get it. people outside don't get what it means to live in wilderness. and why.

(now we've switched to the Idaho programs...that hal's recorded...public tv ones...documentaries...we saw the origins of Idaho's rivers the other day).

let's see...let me start from the beginning.

i drove from sahil's...after we dropped off yukti...ate at a mexican restaurant. getting off from salt lake city...the land opened up...vast lands...clouds..mountains...and the wind...heavy, heavy wind that the car wouldn't drive fast...i wondered if the rental car was old or something...but later realized it's the wind...on the way to burley, idaho.

paul's dad hal - harold was welcoming. he has a cat named madison. she's very shy...scared to come close...he said today she's never been outside the house. she's come now and is sitting next to him on the hand of the sofa...where hal sits. i've tried make friends with her. but she's often scared. he asked me to feed her yday and today...which i did. she let me touch her...but withdraws...something.

hal he's born in 1929. he's totally amazing. i was actually surprised at the many things he does for his age. it's very unlike seniors in india or other countries. he drove over 100miles today. he's been driving everywhere. lives by himself. supports his daughter and son unequivocally when they need them. moved from california. fullerton. worked in the navy...wears a hat that says "CAN DO!" given by the navy...was saying today that he met his wife (she passed away 8 years ago)...when he came back from the navy...there's a black and white pic in front of me of their wedding...his wife was 16 years old...he looks very handsome like a movie actor. and next to that photo is her at age 50...she looks very young in it...paul said it has her ashes. hal also showed me pic of his lady friend from california...in her youth she was an air hostess...there's a pic of hers in front of those older planes. i also saw her birthday pic at 85...nice.

after coming back today after the trip...he showed me many things in the house...paintings, artifacts...old photos...lamps...flutes that he makes and won prizes at the county fair of cassia county where burley is. he's moved here 3 years ago. said retired then and moved here where terri is.

i admire him totally...that's what i said during the drumming circle last night...around the fire...i adore you i said...and i thanked for being so loving and open...he's been. i saw his pics in 60s...looks like narasimh...hmmm...he goes to church...doesn't like hearing swear words in movies...says have to go to confession...strongly catholic...he made us texas french toast yday. and pancakes later. he added chocolate chips to the pancake (and one packet of oatmeal) to surprise paul (he loved it)...

i learnt about trailers...how it offers mobility...to move around...some cost $200k. attach to pickup trucks...it's a different life...to always be in the outdoors...

terri's cabin was amazing...it was actually very luxurious. the bath...was walking distance...water from nearby hotsprings has been directed here. i enjoyed bath twice...in that hot springs tub. middle of the night when i got up to pee i saw the stars. so many stars. thot of ladakh, dx, mountains, cold, what's that slippers called...that...fully equipped cabin.

property...it's a word that's often used here...my property...when that happens people respect that.

Sawtooth national forest...cowboy took us here yday...wow it was wild. i've never met a real cowboy. and i didn't know what to expect. paul and hal always referred to him as cowboy. he's lived in the wilderness for 10 years. has high BP...seems recent. was watching salt/ sodium intake when we ate outside. he wore jeans...i was saw him at B&B repair at Oakley town...closeby. he was repairing jeeps along with Bob (Robert)...who's both Oakley town's mayor and repairman. that was interesting. he took us that day to city of rocks along with terri. i enjoyed it very much. and they were both surprised and enjoyed seeing me enjoy so much. i touched everything. climbed. went along.

next day was even more interesting. in a red 4x4 we went...terri drove first. it was fun to see two-two cowboy hats in the front seats. we kept going going. looking for mines i think. cowboy had been there years ago...he's been there 10 years. and he couldn't exactly find it. but we were on an adventure. we went up and behind rocks, mountains, grasslands...sage grass smell all around. he took out a knife when we needed to dig out peanut butter. he never spoke much. has a white mustache and beard. 64 years or so. bluish-grey eyes (paul, terri, hal...all seemed to have similar eyes...even amy i think). we got lost...deep in the mountains...and finally he found the way back...we went out from the other side of the mountain we were at...almost close to the utah border 20 miles...the other side would take us to nevada...these are dirt roads interior deep....we were many miles away from the cabin. he was tired by the time we reached.

he taught me how to shoot. by giving me his real pistol. i don't know what exactly it was...perhaps .22 caliber. there was a branch in the water...he said aim at that. and i did. paul asked him if i could etc. by then i was wearing a cowboy hat myself...we bought it at cal ranch the previous day...it's hanging on the hat hanger now.

we all gathered at night...drumming circle...cowboy kept saying the spirits will come out tonight. the rattle was made of seeds. earlier he told us a story. the time when hale-bop comet flew by...see below...

Hale-Bopp was an unusually bright comet that swung near Earth in the late 1990s, reaching its closest approach to the planet in 1997. It was most spectacular in theNorthern Hemisphere and visible to the naked eye for about 18 months.

that night he had a near-death experience. he said his spirit soared to the roof and saw everything that was happening around. there was a spirit horse that he rode on holding its mane...it took him to a native indian chief who asked him why he came...a few min before, he showed us a stone a special stone...that represented all directions from native Indian culture...north, south, east, west...and that day...he could soar see people...it was that day...someone gave him that stone...he had a choice whether to go on...or return...he said almost like anita moorjani...bcos the other side felt so happy...he was on his spirit horse...he looked into my eyes as he narrated. we were in his trailer. outside where all kinds of vehicles. ATV...snow boats etc. when we parted today...he said come back.

the climb this morning...i got up before paul and hal...after eating a banana...walked around...the mountain was calling me...it's steep...there are rocks on top. wanted to reach there. i went the other way first...but there was a fence...then i came back...and simply started climbing...i must say it was comfortable...i was more scared of snakes...for whatever reason...i later found out snakes won't come out in this season...they usually like sitting on rocks...rattlers...i went up and up and up...reached a boulder...there i stacked the stones...paul said it's called carin...then i went further...there was a bush....green...behind that...some more on top....and i reached the rocks...the base...i made another stack...offered my prayers...lied down with stomach...i was feeling the earth...fully...did ho'oponopono...pachamama...i could've gone higher...the mountain could've continued...but i didn't want to worry paul and hal...they would've got up...i returned...climbed down quickly...saw paul...then he came out again...and then hal too...shouted out to them...later they kept talking about it with others..."he wasn't even winded"

it was cliff (father of the mayor) who said...there's a lot of game at this time of the year...aren't people in this town nice and friendly?

hal taught his kids a call sign...goes like ooouppp...families...memories...as children...several times paul and terri were talking about...do you remember that time when...

("shyanne? what kind of a name is that?"...an aspiring cyclist on idaho public tv...she's cycling with her 72 year old grandma)

mount borah is the highest point...

minitonka - falling water.

snake river...longest...1400 miles...it goes nearby...

[US trip April 2018]: Brooklyn and Harlem

I’m sitting in a train from Flushing to Manhattan. Qiu. CC. Red bun. Pleasant evening.

This past weekend I hung out w Vishal in the Bed-Sty area of Brooklyn. The couple I met in Ahmedabad told me about Bedford Stuyvesant. It’s some 150k population. 70% African American. I felt the Airbnb place was over priced. But it was nice. Weekend. I flew in after the abog meeting at Michigan. So it was one different thing after another. 

The big highlight was the cycle tour with Maxine. I learnt a lot. Had surprised Vishal about it. Our knowledge of people is so distilled down. I never knew about Marcus Garvey. Someone on whose shoulders Martin Luther King would’ve stood. We stood in front of the house of the black poet Hughes. She read out this poem of his - https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/47558/i-too. There was a dried up vine. She said he grew it so people can recognize. Maxine had distinct curly hair. We talked a lot about it. V asked if it curled up naturally that way. This was in the middle of one large street in Harlem. We took our cycles right on the divider. In front of Harlem hospital. Also saw Shomberg center which apparently Carnegie funded. In that center are the ashes of Huges I think. And every month first Friday they dance around it etc. she also talked about CJ Walker a lady who made a big business out of hair care products. And we went to the house of one guy who died in a duel. His mom was a mulatto she said. But he looked all white. The guy who killed him Burr? married someone who took him for a ride for his money. And she herself was taken for a ride by someone else after Burr’s death. Oh well. 

We went to Jacobs which seemed like authentic soul food which Vishal heard first as tofu. Accents. Maxine’s husband X was from Canada. He was a quiet presence throughout. So was EttiN. He was shadowing Maxine. He told me about why Air Jordan’s people are crazy about and also Canadian Goose jackets?

Towards the end of the ride we went near the Hudson River near GW bridge. There someone had balanced these stones. One over the other. It’s been called Sisyphus stones. https://www.nytimes.com/2017/09/14/nyregion/a-mystery-solved-why-the-sisyphus-stones-rise-and-tumble.html. It was v peaceful place. The stones seem to have a life. The most interesting thing. The artist keeps making them everyday or every other day. People keep toppling them. He keeps making. He quotes Rumi. 

She told us about a club called Shrine. We went to it that night. It was ok. A band played well. Crowd was very mixed. I got tired of beer I guess means I don’t take to it very well now. Rather be strong and fit. 

We rode a long long bus ride from Harlem to Village. When we reached lower east side we walked up to NY Studio School. At the reception was Raymond. Once he knew I was an alumni he was so warm and welcoming. He himself had modelled that morning he said. He let me go in. My heart something happened when I went to the studio that Bruce taught and we learnt. He’s since left NYSS. I left notes for him and Kathryn. Touching the stool, the clay, the center thing which rotates oh my God. I belong there.  It felt so home. Home. Hmmm...

I didn’t take so much Bed-Sty. It does have a run down feel to it. Despite the cafe’s. Perhaps it’s the cold and the winter that many people weren’t outside. But Harlem was way more alive. In Bed-Sty we went to cafe called Saraghina or something like that. At the counter was someone from Burkina Fsso. She was surprised that I knew of the country. She made very good coffee. And this would become Vishal’s fav place. But we didn’t return. I made the wrong call of walking to Williamsburg the next morning. It was too cold. My toes felt like they’d fall out. We both lost it by the time we reached a Jewish bagel shop. The bagels were very tasty. Then all of a sudden it was late and time to checkout etc. 

It was beautiful. Many things about the weekend. Harlem seems home too. It’s funny we don’t know he world only until we don’t know it. All these solos we made. Maxine said you cut my hand and your hand it’s the same blood - she said animatedly. It’s more than blood actually. Our entire DNA. Is not even ours. 90% is the kicrobiome. It’s also what forms from the environments we move around in. Srik said after seeing a pic nee pani bagundi you mix with everybody. I don’t know of any other way. It’s simply one. When you have one deep immersion you simply belong to a people. So may be we simply let people experience people. What’s the other way? How can you not love the other? All we need is just one human experience with each other. 

Ai Weiwei’s documentary human flow had a big influence inside. Saw it on the plane. Later now. 

Sabarmati Ashram

I must've wanted to go there for a long time. I've Gandhi movie many times. Showed it to ahaan too. He too enjoyed it.

So it seemed very familiar when I went there. I didn't plan to go. I was going by auto from the airport to Khadia where I was staying (at Heritage House - a 200 year old house run by a gujarati family). Anyway, on the way I saw a sign that said 'Gandhi Ashram'. It had to be Sabarmati Ashram.

I went in the evening. Before sunset. Felt very happy at the red entrance. Gandhi places and ashrams (I feel this way about Aurobindo Ashram too) are so vague and nice. Vague because everything is there and in its own pace. But everything seems to work. The work is never perfect and that's the point. Like that Japanese work Wabi Sabi aesthetics - a world view that everything is perfect as imperfection. When the leaves fall from the tree, they just fall here and there all around...not in perfect symmetry. but just as they should. That's the way I feel about Sabarmati Ashram. For some reason, I can't call it Gandhi Ashram but Sabarmati ashram.

I went to the museum first - aware that I can spend lot of time and not have enough time to go to the huts/homes or the main area. The thing that I figured is that they too struggled for funds...Gandhi struggled too...despite being Gandhi...he made practical choices of basing himself in Amdavad for the sake of getting funding from wealthy merchants. Seems almost like a startup to me.

I took most to Vinoba Bhave's hut. He lived there. Then Mira behn did. Her name was Madeleine Slade. I read somewhere Gandhi thought it not appropriate to be her guru but a fellow seeker. Somewhere I read what he shared re the 11 vows. He wrote to her...

o hear suggestive stories with the ears, to see suggestive sights with the eyes, to taste stimulating food with the tongue, to touch exciting things with the hands, and at the same time to expect to control the only remaining organ, is like putting one's hands in the fire and expecting to escape being hurt. Bapu's letters to Mira. P.257.

Gandhiji was obsessed about it. His views of ashram were strongly centered on celibacy. It's one of the 11 vows. For Vinoba Bhave, I read this...

In 1940 he was chosen by Gandhi to be the first Individual Satyagrahi (an Individual standing up for Truth instead of a collective action) against the British rule. It is said that Gandhi envied and respected Bhave's celibacy, a vow he made in his adolescence, in fitting with his belief in the Brahmacharya principle.

In his autobiography, I think steadily from age 35 he kept trying to follow. But struggled with it. Well into old age because he kept thinking about it. It occupied his mind, his writings...it wasn't that he was free from it.

And I guess that's the point of it all. He progressed, moved forward despite it all. Both move forward together. The yin and the yang. And that's life.

Where he stayed. Hridaya Kunj. There's his room. I could generally feel strong energy everywhere in this place. The ashram itself. There was his room and next to it was a smaller Kasturba's room. I stared from her window, wondering what she must've seen outside. Like her. He's very vocal about saying she gave her life to his views, his principles etc. I wonder how she might've been in the present times.

I saw his desk, 3 monkeys in white, and sitting thing. It was generally nice.

I saw a man outside when I wanted to take a photo for the photo dungeon that I never usually open. This man had a smaller left hand than the right. Under his chankas he kept newspapers. He had a ponytail - white, grey hair. A goatee. Wore jeans and a shirt and some sleeveless sweater kinda thing. Our eyes met. But I didn't smile, neither did he. We went our separate ways. He's there in that photo I had someone take of me.

There's a small garden. Hridaya kunj, the ashram, the Sabarmati seemed everything that I might simply be with. I kept seeing Vinoba Bhave's hut - it's very small. There's really not much one needs. One of the vows - of not stealing - is also interpreted as not having anything more than what one absolutely needs.

I saw one lady dressed in ghagra type dress. Pink something over head. Inside her cover, she was speaking with a headset on the phone. For a very, very long time - like my entire stroll.

Near the prayer area, I sat outside for sometime. There was a group sitting and meditating. A man with a big belly in a banian also sat meditating for sometime under a tree. Then he was checking his phone. I sent pics via Whatsapp from there. Why was that imp I don't know...I don't know...

I went back to the museum by the time it was time to leave. A policeman loudly said chalo, chalo...indicating that time's up.

That's where the Dandi march started from. Close by there's a bridge - and a sign that says so.

I walked for a long time on ashram road. First I thought I'll eat at Toran dining hall. Then I abruptly decided to go to House of MG by auto. Had a nice gujarati thali. Ate little bit but still I liked the idea of eating there. It's made in 1924. The house. Agashiye is the name of the restaurant. Across was a beautifully lit mosque. Lal Darwaja is the area. Apparently Gandhiji stayed there in 1917 when he returned from South Africa. The auto driver told me Japaan ka prime minister ate there 2 months back.

Well it was a fun, drifting evening...

Mthatha, South Africa trip

I'm in Kigali airport right now...in Rwanda. Waiting for the flight to Mumbai. I've learnt a lot this past week. About South Africa. About Africa. In general.

It was a different sorta trip. I was teaching health IT to doctors. It was a lot of fun for me. After a point, it was just like how we do workshops and training in the office. If your pipe is clear and you connect, it flows. From somewhere.

Anyways. Sikhum...dropped me today morning to the airport. On the way, a cow had just been hit by a vehicle. On the highway. There were already people. He said one to cut with a knife...others to take the meat. Quick.

At the end of the training, many docs said, "you've made a big difference to my life" or "changed my life" or "demystified technology"...and so on. One of them, Busi...she said, many are saying that you changed their life...we must give you a sheep. Sikhum...said since he's vegetarian, we must give him cabbages.

Later at night at dinner at Ebony (it's the restaurant with snakes on the logo). Both Ziya...and Sikhum...explained the significance of the sheep. That it's common in their culture to give someone sheep in honor. Ziya...said during her first graduation, someone gifted her a live chicken. And she was very touched by it. She gave it to her cousin to safeguard. I asked how would someone take a sheep? They said by tying its legs etc.

My views on animals have constantly evolved this past year and more. Ever since that Sapiens book.

It's an integral part of a lot of people.

Umtata...the older name of Mthatha is a medicinal plant. I wanted to know more about it. But didn't. Ziya said people go on treks along the coast. Wild coast it says...because none of it is developed. It's as it is...

Mthatha is surrounded by mountains. Morning drive to the airport was beautiful. Clouds. Resting gently amidst mountains.

I'm quite tired...the journey's been long. My back is sore.

WSU was cool. The infrastructure and buildings are all in place. The hospital is also next door. Though I didn't go in. People were very cool. Pat the pulmonologist with 40 years experience...he's the only one around. Khulil...the only interventional cardiologist around. And yet they were easy, relaxed, learning and happy.

Pat gave a vote of thanks in the end. This after closing comments.

I learnt there are 3 Nelson Mandela museums. I didn't go to any. Even his house.

I learnt about South African politics quite a bit. This Dec everyone is watershed event for ANC. It's just so odd...country after country...people go crazy with this power thing. Forgetting what they are here for. I was reading in the Economist that Ugandan leader also doesn't want to let go - he's 73. It's repetitive in Africa particularly. I also learnt of the Gupta brothers who are apparently missing now. So much corruption. People have therefore the attitude that either they need to take from the government or someone else will. Where will the respect for a government be?

The are so many languages. People intermingling. Mthatha is Xhosa people. Apparently they are intellectual. Xulus are more warriors. Sikhum...told me about his dad...he spoke 9 languages including Greek. SA takes on languages from Botswana (Tswana...his wife spoke Tswana) and Sesotho (from Lesotho)...these country lines are actually arbitrary. Europeans made it. The tribes are all divided.

I sense a stronger unification of Africa. People are mixing more freely. Working more freely together. There's pride.

Actually it's all very cool. When I compare business travels here vs the western world...it's different here. Both of challenges. That's all polished. Here it seems more closer to the ground. Earth.

Rwanda seems to be doing well. Called the land of a thousand hills. Might come back for the primates.

Another thing I learnt more on-the-ground...was about the apartheid. WSU is a black university. A few others...like wits...were originally white. There's a great struggle to uplift the locals. And it takes generations and generations. People make stupid decisions. Those wrong ideologies have impact for hundred+ years.

I met and spoke to many others. Like Nina from Guatemala. She seeded that idea of buying a tent. Going to Namibia. A desert. Just simply staying. She said as much...you will feel invincible. It's just you and the earth. Everyone lives. Animals. You. Earth. We spoke on the flight from Kigali to Joburg.

And there was another lady...don't know her name...she was Xulu...I managed to ask her about her hair. She had red streaks. She was going to Kigali for training in finance. The co was Rwandan...and she told me all about hair, her daughter's hair is smooth so you can't braid easily...that some people leave braids on for 10 years...to maintain you have to go to the salon...when her daughter was born and she was breastfeeding...the nurse was shocked and mistakenly thought it was someone else's baby she was feeding...because of the smooth hair vs harder African hair...funny :)

People have generally been very nice and warm. Mz...talked about Cuba. He trained as a doc there for 6 years. That place.

Rwanda will grow...small country but you can get the sense that they are trying. I ate samosa and a chapati-roll in the airport. Food hasn't been that much of a problem. During training the chef made something with soya for me. It was tasty. At Ebony restaurant that veggie wrap was delicious.

Chalo...later then...

[mint published this - https://www.livemint.com/Leisure/38Do5EvmgCjw1gvuE7sZRL/Bringing-home-a-sheep-from-Mthatha.html]

Kalsubai trek: Day trip to the highest point in Maharashtra

Here's all you want to read about it - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kalsubai. It's 1,646m or 5,400 ft.

I'm in Udaipur now. Actually I should be writing about today. It's day 2. But this is pending...

[after few more days...am in Jodhpur now and we are leaving later today]

What can I say about Kalsubai. It was the weekend. I felt it was becoming commercialized. As soon as Kamlesh (my driver) and I reached the base village of Baari...one man with an umbrella approached us. Asking if he could guide and come along. I said yes. His name was Khundu. His grandfather also guided people up Mt Kalsubai (he told me this later). We also ran into his father.

It must've taken 3 hours+ to reach the summit and 2 hours or less to trek down. It's quite rocky. It was also raining continuously. As a monsoon trek the weather was perfect!

Khundu was an Adivasi. He said his brother studied B.Ed but to get a govt job so much bribe has to be given (like Rs.4L) that he found it pointless. Then as a teacher all he'd get is Rs.3K salary per month and that would be pointless too. So he left everything and stayed at home. Helping with khethi. Khundu hasn't studied. But they make enough money with these weekend tourists. People ask them to cook etc. Mumbai people want them to cook country chicken in the chhoola etc. and pay based on khushi se. He was dissatisfied when I gave him his guide fees of Rs.500 and more.

We ate poha that his wife made. I found their living circumstances were very unhygienic. Last night vessels lying dirty outside. I found hair in the poha :) It wasn't that they didn't have money - money wasn't the problem. It's just that they are habituated to unclean habits.

There was no bathroom and I had to go for the big job. So on the way I wanted to stop somewhere in the fields and do my deed. He said, "sandaas saath mein karenge!" I was a bit surprised. Well, we did it together anyways. Far away of course. But I gave him sanitizer so he can clean himself before eating (which he kept munching on Ruffles wafers...obsessed with it!).

There were many, many trekkers. Mostly young people in their early 20s. Towards the summit it was a queue system. One standing behind the other. People kept saying, "yahan se zinda jaana hai" etc.

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[Machu Picchu]: Movies I watched on flights

I spent a lot of time on flights. To Paris, NJ, to detroit, to Lima, to Cusco, to Lima, to Atlanta, to NJ, to Paris and back.

Sometimes I binge on movies. Like on the return flight.

Here's what I saw.

1) Cow Factory - a very good documentary made in France. Couldn't find it anywhere online - the DVD or otherwise.
2) Gold - Matthew McConaughey movie about finding gold in Indonesia.
3) Camino a La Paz - Roderigo de la Sarna (he acted in Motorcycle diaries). I really liked this movie. Starts in Argentina, ends in Bolivia. A Muslim man wants to go to Mecca. Sebastian unexpectedly becomes his driver. A great road movie. Very different.
4) Perfetti Sconoscuitti - An Italian movie where 7 friends come up with a game where they have to share all their text messages, emails, calls, Whatsapp messages during a long dinner.
5) Vida Sexual de la Plantas - An intense Chilean movie - literally called sex life of plants. But it deals with conflicting, confusion human emotions when a woman's boyfriend falls while climbing a rock and suffers brain damage. Her desire for him disappears but the need to have a child remains.
6) Lost City of Z - I desperately wanted to see this movie after reading about it in New Yorker. About an explorer (true story) in the Amazon jungles.
7) Passengers - I didn't like it so much, despite being a space movie and I could see some space, stars and stuff. 

[Machu Picchu]: Final words

Hmmmm...I'm glad I went. I'm back home now. I missed home too in between, in Cusco.

I enjoyed it quite a bit. I was also testing my body after the whole BP meds tapering to zero and my knees etc. Body did quite well.

I also met and spoke to many different people. Including that girl on gap year from Hamburg I met in Lima airport. She told me about workaway.com, a volunteering website. She worked at Inca Wasi. ("The children, all they had was the clothes and their back. They were so happy. Why do we need so much?).

What do I feel now. Just happy. Thankful. A yearning to explore Bolivia, Colombia, Brasil surrounding the Amazon basin...let's see.

The world is a big place. The universe is bigger. Peru closed some loop for me and opened something inside. I can't clearly say what. There are many worlds. Each unto its own. I felt less disturbed to be back into the world. I was taken away far, yes. Externally and internally. But that somehow made me feel more connected to the rest. People who've read the ayahuasca account have been asking me are you any different. Has it changed you etc. No, it doesn't. Means, I'm the same of course. But you begin to view things differently or through a different lens. I feel much more connected to the whole, to people and to every situation. A lot more. When that Uber car hit the other car, I was getting late, I only felt love for the driver. Not irritation. But more natural acceptance. I've been noticing such things. I keep wondering if all this will last. Will I get back into the din of the world? I don't know.

For now, I feel a certain completeness. I might've return to Peru. I kept wanting to go to Nazca lines. It's crazy too that one (lines on the ground that can only be seen from far above - insect, humming bird, monkey - what were they trying to communicate?). There's so much of love that the country has to offer. I received a lot of kindness generally. The deeper you go everywhere, the same it is. People are the same. When you know more outside, somehow you know more inside too. I leave some part of me. I learn some part of me. This one left a deep impression.

[Machu Picchu]: Thoughts post Ayahuasca experience

Conversations with Mother Ayahuasca

Ayahuasca is basically a medicinal plant with purgative and hallucinogen properties. It refers to two plants - Ayahuasca and Chacruna. The Shaman uses stones to grind them and boil them for hours. It becomes a thick brown liquid.

What happens is it opens up your energies to a higher state of consciousness. A certain universal energy that gives you access to all knowledge. You essentially receive responses - not through a voice but as experience.

The Peruvians refer to the plant as Mother Ayahuasca - rightly so.

For example, I may ask you how it feels when the sun shines on your face. You may not be able to describe it. But you know through direct experience how it feels when the sun shines. You just simply know. Similarly, you receive responses with Mother Ayahuasca.

Shaman Ismael and Sophie assisted. Limis (a 58 year old singer from Latvia) was along with me. The Shaman also consumes Ayahuasca with you so that he can be connected.

This ancient Andean concoction triggers emotions, memories where disturbing experiences are stored. Blocks are removed. May be certain neural pathways get rewired. It makes you confront those fears that have been pushed away under the rug. Small and big. Then it purges those and makes you view everything differently. Therefore cleanses you.

The process is extremely difficult. Requires fasting for 24 hours and abstaining from alcohol, chocolate etc. for weeks. You will need commitment from the heart and trust to surrender to a higher consciousness.

*
It took more than an hour before I could feel anything. The Shaman began singing. These are ancient sounds that create many vibrations in the body and mind.

When I first heard that he would be singing, I found it odd wondering about the purpose. But the sounds are very powerful. Vibrating your organs, your body. It also helps in purging the toxins out. 

Taking it out.

There are two pathways where it comes out. By vomiting. By diarrheal excretions.

In the beginning, I felt nauseous and the urge to vomit but not much would come out. Then when it began, it just came out. Every time I puked, I could feel it taking out something. Some block. When a disturbing thought or memory surfaced, I would puke. It took out that block inside.

The physical, emotional, chemical, psychological phenomena became one. Why do we think it’s any different?

After the initial vomiting, I had a deeply psychedelic experience. Your heart and energies open up to a vast universal energy. It’s almost like there’s a connection that gets established to wide and open consciousness - the whole - the entire thing.

It gives you access to all knowledge. You receive answers to any question you have. From the smallest of the smallest to the largest of the largest. When you receive, you receive it experientially. Imagine you open a window from your room to an open field. You can see everything there is. You can choose to look at specific things - like say a certain flower or the entire thing. All questions and all answers exist in the open field.

During that period I asked many questions to Mother Ayahuasca.

I asked if there was life beyond earth. The answer I received was that life exists everywhere. And it’s all interconnected and woven intricately. That’s why everything is important. Every small thing (every memory, episode, interaction, person, plant, animal) has a place. What we do affects the whole. What happens in the whole affects us.

I asked about the purpose of life. The answer I received was to give comfort and take care of others. Make the lives of others’ easier. To not hesitate from speaking the larger truth. To share with others and to wake them up. To purify and purify, clean and clean society.

I asked about the company and its growth. The answer I received was...that it’s already growing and to allow it to grow. To keep doing. To not limit our doing to only certain areas but expand in all areas. To create things and means that comforts people (not conveniences but comfort like solace). The pointlessness of money. Whatever you take, the earth takes back anyways in form or the other. To use the company as a tool to take care of others.

I asked why we do what we do (the things that aren’t conducive). The answer I received was... because we forget. We forget our true nature. Who we are. How we are connected. With everything. Every small thing.

I also received experiential insight into how disease forms. I saw a yellowish bile (or felt it) in a dark tunnel. It might’ve been while vomiting out. When something held back comes out. The thing is we don't let things come out. Our emotions, our memories, our negative experiences, our guilt...we are unable to let them go. These accumulate over time. At all points of time, our body carries both good and bad. Toxins reside all the time. Not all is excreted. The body doesn’t differentiate between physical and psychological - it’s all the same for it. Both states are interchangeable. A bad thought is the same as bad food or drugs or the air we breath or something we drink - undistinguishable — either the body uses something, excretes what it doesn’t need or simply stores. So it stores. 
Whatever our mind holds back inside (including deep rooted memories) - it holds without letting it go. When these are harmful (something that causes a negative feeling versus a pleasant feeling), they sometimes manifest physically. Cancers or tumors. Pains. Could be any kind of physical discomfort. When the body ages or weakens in strength, the disease takes over.

This vision became so clear that I kept saying of course, of course and it’s obvious. The ancients lived in harmony with nature. Thousands and thousands of generations lived normally and quite simply. The body whether it’s a human or plant or animal lives its time and naturally gives away, becomes part of earth (Pachamama). Our remains are utilized for the growth of others via plants and animals. That’s the natural process. It’s how it’s always been.

When the chemical balance is altered (outside or within) that’s when the problems begin. It could be infectious diseases that come in close proximity to animals. Livestock has already been altered by farmers for hundreds of years. Therefore our food. In the present times, it’s chronic disease - that might very well be our body’s inability to deal with a changing chemical balance. Greater stress.

In medicine and our research, our focus is mainly outward-in. We are focusing on the outward. We focus on specializations. We obsess about information. But it’s pointless. The source is somewhere else. Deeper. That goes unaddressed. Inside-out. These thoughts came to me.

An old Inca or Quechua man kept coming in my vision. A man with dark brown skin, somewhat thin, old, with native features. His presence offered comfort through the process. That he just stayed or was there. I might have even wanted to be like him. To just be.

It also occurred to me that our notions of lion being the king of the jungle and such are flawed. The lion or any other animal doesn’t think of itself as a king or leader. It simply lives. Neither do other animals think of the lion as such. These are our stories that we extend beyond ourselves.

Sophie kept tapping my back with a large blackish feather of a condor. When she mentioned about it in the beginning before the process began, I didn’t think much of it.

During the process when she kept doing it, it offered comfort and help the passing of the vomit - it helped it come out.

I had the vision of a condor. With large black wings. I became the condor. That vision somehow gave me strength. A overarching theme of taking responsibility for all kept occurring. To take care of everyone.

I asked about meat. The response I received was that it’s important to know where food is coming from, how it comes.

At one point, the hallucinations seemed to have taken over. Just kept going somewhere. I realized I kept on rubbing my head and shoulders against the wall. At that point, I heard the Shaman say via Sophie to make me breathe three times. I did. It brought me back.

He said, “Pra-vin” (like the Peruvians call me - the v sounds like w sounds like b).

“Hmm...Hmmm,” he said. It’s a very typical Quechuan way of saying. I had first noticed Jois (our trek guide) saying it. It means many things. Like here we are now...or so that’s that or we both understand where we are or we’ve understood each other.

That you can only understand after you spend some time here. “Hmm...hmmm,” I repeated.
He laughed. I laughed.

“Viva Peru!” He said. Yes indeed. “Viva Peru!” I repeated.

He didn’t exactly say it but I could get it. That I had to come all the way here to cleanse. And how.
By then the process had become clear. I was purging via vomit or by going to toilet.

And everything that surfaced had to be purged. Taken out. Earlier Sophie had instructed us to be on all fours while vomiting into the bucket that was left next to us. Like a dog. It helps.

So there I was on all fours. The bucket looked like a dark abyss. I would vomit into it. I would even say, “Arre come out!” I also started speaking in Telugu.

I heard Sophie laughing softly.

In the toilet, I would thank what exited. For leaving me. I kept saying good, good, good.
After I was done with the toilet, Sophie would wait with a towel outside. Every single time I got scared of her. She looked like a ghost in the darkness. I could never see her features. I knew it was her but still was terrified of going closer. How the mind plays games.

Later during the process the Shaman said that there was great energy amongst Limis (the Latvian singer who was also there in the room with me) and me. It was actually a kind of 3-way energy. He said Limis was my brother.

Limis said, you look like me. Next morning we held hands while leaving. He was in bodily pain. So that was that. Hmm...hmmm. 

Resources: NCBI Study: The Therapeutic Potentials of Ayahuasca: Possible Effects against Various Diseases of Civilization, Scientific American: Ayahuasca Psychedelic Tested for Depression, Quartz: The ayahuasca ceremony is going under the scientific-method microscope, Peru Shamans (where I went).