[US trip April 2018]: Brooklyn and Harlem

I’m sitting in a train from Flushing to Manhattan. Qiu. CC. Red bun. Pleasant evening.

This past weekend I hung out w Vishal in the Bed-Sty area of Brooklyn. The couple I met in Ahmedabad told me about Bedford Stuyvesant. It’s some 150k population. 70% African American. I felt the Airbnb place was over priced. But it was nice. Weekend. I flew in after the abog meeting at Michigan. So it was one different thing after another. 

The big highlight was the cycle tour with Maxine. I learnt a lot. Had surprised Vishal about it. Our knowledge of people is so distilled down. I never knew about Marcus Garvey. Someone on whose shoulders Martin Luther King would’ve stood. We stood in front of the house of the black poet Hughes. She read out this poem of his - https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/47558/i-too. There was a dried up vine. She said he grew it so people can recognize. Maxine had distinct curly hair. We talked a lot about it. V asked if it curled up naturally that way. This was in the middle of one large street in Harlem. We took our cycles right on the divider. In front of Harlem hospital. Also saw Shomberg center which apparently Carnegie funded. In that center are the ashes of Huges I think. And every month first Friday they dance around it etc. she also talked about CJ Walker a lady who made a big business out of hair care products. And we went to the house of one guy who died in a duel. His mom was a mulatto she said. But he looked all white. The guy who killed him Burr? married someone who took him for a ride for his money. And she herself was taken for a ride by someone else after Burr’s death. Oh well. 

We went to Jacobs which seemed like authentic soul food which Vishal heard first as tofu. Accents. Maxine’s husband X was from Canada. He was a quiet presence throughout. So was EttiN. He was shadowing Maxine. He told me about why Air Jordan’s people are crazy about and also Canadian Goose jackets?

Towards the end of the ride we went near the Hudson River near GW bridge. There someone had balanced these stones. One over the other. It’s been called Sisyphus stones. https://www.nytimes.com/2017/09/14/nyregion/a-mystery-solved-why-the-sisyphus-stones-rise-and-tumble.html. It was v peaceful place. The stones seem to have a life. The most interesting thing. The artist keeps making them everyday or every other day. People keep toppling them. He keeps making. He quotes Rumi. 

She told us about a club called Shrine. We went to it that night. It was ok. A band played well. Crowd was very mixed. I got tired of beer I guess means I don’t take to it very well now. Rather be strong and fit. 

We rode a long long bus ride from Harlem to Village. When we reached lower east side we walked up to NY Studio School. At the reception was Raymond. Once he knew I was an alumni he was so warm and welcoming. He himself had modelled that morning he said. He let me go in. My heart something happened when I went to the studio that Bruce taught and we learnt. He’s since left NYSS. I left notes for him and Kathryn. Touching the stool, the clay, the center thing which rotates oh my God. I belong there.  It felt so home. Home. Hmmm...

I didn’t take so much Bed-Sty. It does have a run down feel to it. Despite the cafe’s. Perhaps it’s the cold and the winter that many people weren’t outside. But Harlem was way more alive. In Bed-Sty we went to cafe called Saraghina or something like that. At the counter was someone from Burkina Fsso. She was surprised that I knew of the country. She made very good coffee. And this would become Vishal’s fav place. But we didn’t return. I made the wrong call of walking to Williamsburg the next morning. It was too cold. My toes felt like they’d fall out. We both lost it by the time we reached a Jewish bagel shop. The bagels were very tasty. Then all of a sudden it was late and time to checkout etc. 

It was beautiful. Many things about the weekend. Harlem seems home too. It’s funny we don’t know he world only until we don’t know it. All these solos we made. Maxine said you cut my hand and your hand it’s the same blood - she said animatedly. It’s more than blood actually. Our entire DNA. Is not even ours. 90% is the kicrobiome. It’s also what forms from the environments we move around in. Srik said after seeing a pic nee pani bagundi you mix with everybody. I don’t know of any other way. It’s simply one. When you have one deep immersion you simply belong to a people. So may be we simply let people experience people. What’s the other way? How can you not love the other? All we need is just one human experience with each other. 

Ai Weiwei’s documentary human flow had a big influence inside. Saw it on the plane. Later now. 

Sabarmati Ashram

I must've wanted to go there for a long time. I've Gandhi movie many times. Showed it to ahaan too. He too enjoyed it.

So it seemed very familiar when I went there. I didn't plan to go. I was going by auto from the airport to Khadia where I was staying (at Heritage House - a 200 year old house run by a gujarati family). Anyway, on the way I saw a sign that said 'Gandhi Ashram'. It had to be Sabarmati Ashram.

I went in the evening. Before sunset. Felt very happy at the red entrance. Gandhi places and ashrams (I feel this way about Aurobindo Ashram too) are so vague and nice. Vague because everything is there and in its own pace. But everything seems to work. The work is never perfect and that's the point. Like that Japanese work Wabi Sabi aesthetics - a world view that everything is perfect as imperfection. When the leaves fall from the tree, they just fall here and there all around...not in perfect symmetry. but just as they should. That's the way I feel about Sabarmati Ashram. For some reason, I can't call it Gandhi Ashram but Sabarmati ashram.

I went to the museum first - aware that I can spend lot of time and not have enough time to go to the huts/homes or the main area. The thing that I figured is that they too struggled for funds...Gandhi struggled too...despite being Gandhi...he made practical choices of basing himself in Amdavad for the sake of getting funding from wealthy merchants. Seems almost like a startup to me.

I took most to Vinoba Bhave's hut. He lived there. Then Mira behn did. Her name was Madeleine Slade. I read somewhere Gandhi thought it not appropriate to be her guru but a fellow seeker. Somewhere I read what he shared re the 11 vows. He wrote to her...

o hear suggestive stories with the ears, to see suggestive sights with the eyes, to taste stimulating food with the tongue, to touch exciting things with the hands, and at the same time to expect to control the only remaining organ, is like putting one's hands in the fire and expecting to escape being hurt. Bapu's letters to Mira. P.257.

Gandhiji was obsessed about it. His views of ashram were strongly centered on celibacy. It's one of the 11 vows. For Vinoba Bhave, I read this...

In 1940 he was chosen by Gandhi to be the first Individual Satyagrahi (an Individual standing up for Truth instead of a collective action) against the British rule. It is said that Gandhi envied and respected Bhave's celibacy, a vow he made in his adolescence, in fitting with his belief in the Brahmacharya principle.

In his autobiography, I think steadily from age 35 he kept trying to follow. But struggled with it. Well into old age because he kept thinking about it. It occupied his mind, his writings...it wasn't that he was free from it.

And I guess that's the point of it all. He progressed, moved forward despite it all. Both move forward together. The yin and the yang. And that's life.

Where he stayed. Hridaya Kunj. There's his room. I could generally feel strong energy everywhere in this place. The ashram itself. There was his room and next to it was a smaller Kasturba's room. I stared from her window, wondering what she must've seen outside. Like her. He's very vocal about saying she gave her life to his views, his principles etc. I wonder how she might've been in the present times.

I saw his desk, 3 monkeys in white, and sitting thing. It was generally nice.

I saw a man outside when I wanted to take a photo for the photo dungeon that I never usually open. This man had a smaller left hand than the right. Under his chankas he kept newspapers. He had a ponytail - white, grey hair. A goatee. Wore jeans and a shirt and some sleeveless sweater kinda thing. Our eyes met. But I didn't smile, neither did he. We went our separate ways. He's there in that photo I had someone take of me.

There's a small garden. Hridaya kunj, the ashram, the Sabarmati seemed everything that I might simply be with. I kept seeing Vinoba Bhave's hut - it's very small. There's really not much one needs. One of the vows - of not stealing - is also interpreted as not having anything more than what one absolutely needs.

I saw one lady dressed in ghagra type dress. Pink something over head. Inside her cover, she was speaking with a headset on the phone. For a very, very long time - like my entire stroll.

Near the prayer area, I sat outside for sometime. There was a group sitting and meditating. A man with a big belly in a banian also sat meditating for sometime under a tree. Then he was checking his phone. I sent pics via Whatsapp from there. Why was that imp I don't know...I don't know...

I went back to the museum by the time it was time to leave. A policeman loudly said chalo, chalo...indicating that time's up.

That's where the Dandi march started from. Close by there's a bridge - and a sign that says so.

I walked for a long time on ashram road. First I thought I'll eat at Toran dining hall. Then I abruptly decided to go to House of MG by auto. Had a nice gujarati thali. Ate little bit but still I liked the idea of eating there. It's made in 1924. The house. Agashiye is the name of the restaurant. Across was a beautifully lit mosque. Lal Darwaja is the area. Apparently Gandhiji stayed there in 1917 when he returned from South Africa. The auto driver told me Japaan ka prime minister ate there 2 months back.

Well it was a fun, drifting evening...

Mthatha, South Africa trip

I'm in Kigali airport right now...in Rwanda. Waiting for the flight to Mumbai. I've learnt a lot this past week. About South Africa. About Africa. In general.

It was a different sorta trip. I was teaching health IT to doctors. It was a lot of fun for me. After a point, it was just like how we do workshops and training in the office. If your pipe is clear and you connect, it flows. From somewhere.

Anyways. Sikhum...dropped me today morning to the airport. On the way, a cow had just been hit by a vehicle. On the highway. There were already people. He said one to cut with a knife...others to take the meat. Quick.

At the end of the training, many docs said, "you've made a big difference to my life" or "changed my life" or "demystified technology"...and so on. One of them, Busi...she said, many are saying that you changed their life...we must give you a sheep. Sikhum...said since he's vegetarian, we must give him cabbages.

Later at night at dinner at Ebony (it's the restaurant with snakes on the logo). Both Ziya...and Sikhum...explained the significance of the sheep. That it's common in their culture to give someone sheep in honor. Ziya...said during her first graduation, someone gifted her a live chicken. And she was very touched by it. She gave it to her cousin to safeguard. I asked how would someone take a sheep? They said by tying its legs etc.

My views on animals have constantly evolved this past year and more. Ever since that Sapiens book.

It's an integral part of a lot of people.

Umtata...the older name of Mthatha is a medicinal plant. I wanted to know more about it. But didn't. Ziya said people go on treks along the coast. Wild coast it says...because none of it is developed. It's as it is...

Mthatha is surrounded by mountains. Morning drive to the airport was beautiful. Clouds. Resting gently amidst mountains.

I'm quite tired...the journey's been long. My back is sore.

WSU was cool. The infrastructure and buildings are all in place. The hospital is also next door. Though I didn't go in. People were very cool. Pat the pulmonologist with 40 years experience...he's the only one around. Khulil...the only interventional cardiologist around. And yet they were easy, relaxed, learning and happy.

Pat gave a vote of thanks in the end. This after closing comments.

I learnt there are 3 Nelson Mandela museums. I didn't go to any. Even his house.

I learnt about South African politics quite a bit. This Dec everyone is watershed event for ANC. It's just so odd...country after country...people go crazy with this power thing. Forgetting what they are here for. I was reading in the Economist that Ugandan leader also doesn't want to let go - he's 73. It's repetitive in Africa particularly. I also learnt of the Gupta brothers who are apparently missing now. So much corruption. People have therefore the attitude that either they need to take from the government or someone else will. Where will the respect for a government be?

The are so many languages. People intermingling. Mthatha is Xhosa people. Apparently they are intellectual. Xulus are more warriors. Sikhum...told me about his dad...he spoke 9 languages including Greek. SA takes on languages from Botswana (Tswana...his wife spoke Tswana) and Sesotho (from Lesotho)...these country lines are actually arbitrary. Europeans made it. The tribes are all divided.

I sense a stronger unification of Africa. People are mixing more freely. Working more freely together. There's pride.

Actually it's all very cool. When I compare business travels here vs the western world...it's different here. Both of challenges. That's all polished. Here it seems more closer to the ground. Earth.

Rwanda seems to be doing well. Called the land of a thousand hills. Might come back for the primates.

Another thing I learnt more on-the-ground...was about the apartheid. WSU is a black university. A few others...like wits...were originally white. There's a great struggle to uplift the locals. And it takes generations and generations. People make stupid decisions. Those wrong ideologies have impact for hundred+ years.

I met and spoke to many others. Like Nina from Guatemala. She seeded that idea of buying a tent. Going to Namibia. A desert. Just simply staying. She said as much...you will feel invincible. It's just you and the earth. Everyone lives. Animals. You. Earth. We spoke on the flight from Kigali to Joburg.

And there was another lady...don't know her name...she was Xulu...I managed to ask her about her hair. She had red streaks. She was going to Kigali for training in finance. The co was Rwandan...and she told me all about hair, her daughter's hair is smooth so you can't braid easily...that some people leave braids on for 10 years...to maintain you have to go to the salon...when her daughter was born and she was breastfeeding...the nurse was shocked and mistakenly thought it was someone else's baby she was feeding...because of the smooth hair vs harder African hair...funny :)

People have generally been very nice and warm. Mz...talked about Cuba. He trained as a doc there for 6 years. That place.

Rwanda will grow...small country but you can get the sense that they are trying. I ate samosa and a chapati-roll in the airport. Food hasn't been that much of a problem. During training the chef made something with soya for me. It was tasty. At Ebony restaurant that veggie wrap was delicious.

Chalo...later then...

[mint published this - https://www.livemint.com/Leisure/38Do5EvmgCjw1gvuE7sZRL/Bringing-home-a-sheep-from-Mthatha.html]

Kalsubai trek: Day trip to the highest point in Maharashtra

Here's all you want to read about it - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kalsubai. It's 1,646m or 5,400 ft.

I'm in Udaipur now. Actually I should be writing about today. It's day 2. But this is pending...

[after few more days...am in Jodhpur now and we are leaving later today]

What can I say about Kalsubai. It was the weekend. I felt it was becoming commercialized. As soon as Kamlesh (my driver) and I reached the base village of Baari...one man with an umbrella approached us. Asking if he could guide and come along. I said yes. His name was Khundu. His grandfather also guided people up Mt Kalsubai (he told me this later). We also ran into his father.

It must've taken 3 hours+ to reach the summit and 2 hours or less to trek down. It's quite rocky. It was also raining continuously. As a monsoon trek the weather was perfect!

Khundu was an Adivasi. He said his brother studied B.Ed but to get a govt job so much bribe has to be given (like Rs.4L) that he found it pointless. Then as a teacher all he'd get is Rs.3K salary per month and that would be pointless too. So he left everything and stayed at home. Helping with khethi. Khundu hasn't studied. But they make enough money with these weekend tourists. People ask them to cook etc. Mumbai people want them to cook country chicken in the chhoola etc. and pay based on khushi se. He was dissatisfied when I gave him his guide fees of Rs.500 and more.

We ate poha that his wife made. I found their living circumstances were very unhygienic. Last night vessels lying dirty outside. I found hair in the poha :) It wasn't that they didn't have money - money wasn't the problem. It's just that they are habituated to unclean habits.

There was no bathroom and I had to go for the big job. So on the way I wanted to stop somewhere in the fields and do my deed. He said, "sandaas saath mein karenge!" I was a bit surprised. Well, we did it together anyways. Far away of course. But I gave him sanitizer so he can clean himself before eating (which he kept munching on Ruffles wafers...obsessed with it!).

There were many, many trekkers. Mostly young people in their early 20s. Towards the summit it was a queue system. One standing behind the other. People kept saying, "yahan se zinda jaana hai" etc.

:
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[Machu Picchu]: Movies I watched on flights

I spent a lot of time on flights. To Paris, NJ, to detroit, to Lima, to Cusco, to Lima, to Atlanta, to NJ, to Paris and back.

Sometimes I binge on movies. Like on the return flight.

Here's what I saw.

1) Cow Factory - a very good documentary made in France. Couldn't find it anywhere online - the DVD or otherwise.
2) Gold - Matthew McConaughey movie about finding gold in Indonesia.
3) Camino a La Paz - Roderigo de la Sarna (he acted in Motorcycle diaries). I really liked this movie. Starts in Argentina, ends in Bolivia. A Muslim man wants to go to Mecca. Sebastian unexpectedly becomes his driver. A great road movie. Very different.
4) Perfetti Sconoscuitti - An Italian movie where 7 friends come up with a game where they have to share all their text messages, emails, calls, Whatsapp messages during a long dinner.
5) Vida Sexual de la Plantas - An intense Chilean movie - literally called sex life of plants. But it deals with conflicting, confusion human emotions when a woman's boyfriend falls while climbing a rock and suffers brain damage. Her desire for him disappears but the need to have a child remains.
6) Lost City of Z - I desperately wanted to see this movie after reading about it in New Yorker. About an explorer (true story) in the Amazon jungles.
7) Passengers - I didn't like it so much, despite being a space movie and I could see some space, stars and stuff. 

[Machu Picchu]: Final words

Hmmmm...I'm glad I went. I'm back home now. I missed home too in between, in Cusco.

I enjoyed it quite a bit. I was also testing my body after the whole BP meds tapering to zero and my knees etc. Body did quite well.

I also met and spoke to many different people. Including that girl on gap year from Hamburg I met in Lima airport. She told me about workaway.com, a volunteering website. She worked at Inca Wasi. ("The children, all they had was the clothes and their back. They were so happy. Why do we need so much?).

What do I feel now. Just happy. Thankful. A yearning to explore Bolivia, Colombia, Brasil surrounding the Amazon basin...let's see.

The world is a big place. The universe is bigger. Peru closed some loop for me and opened something inside. I can't clearly say what. There are many worlds. Each unto its own. I felt less disturbed to be back into the world. I was taken away far, yes. Externally and internally. But that somehow made me feel more connected to the rest. People who've read the ayahuasca account have been asking me are you any different. Has it changed you etc. No, it doesn't. Means, I'm the same of course. But you begin to view things differently or through a different lens. I feel much more connected to the whole, to people and to every situation. A lot more. When that Uber car hit the other car, I was getting late, I only felt love for the driver. Not irritation. But more natural acceptance. I've been noticing such things. I keep wondering if all this will last. Will I get back into the din of the world? I don't know.

For now, I feel a certain completeness. I might've return to Peru. I kept wanting to go to Nazca lines. It's crazy too that one (lines on the ground that can only be seen from far above - insect, humming bird, monkey - what were they trying to communicate?). There's so much of love that the country has to offer. I received a lot of kindness generally. The deeper you go everywhere, the same it is. People are the same. When you know more outside, somehow you know more inside too. I leave some part of me. I learn some part of me. This one left a deep impression.

[Machu Picchu]: Thoughts post Ayahuasca experience

Conversations with Mother Ayahuasca

Ayahuasca is basically a medicinal plant with purgative and hallucinogen properties. It refers to two plants - Ayahuasca and Chacruna. The Shaman uses stones to grind them and boil them for hours. It becomes a thick brown liquid.

What happens is it opens up your energies to a higher state of consciousness. A certain universal energy that gives you access to all knowledge. You essentially receive responses - not through a voice but as experience.

The Peruvians refer to the plant as Mother Ayahuasca - rightly so.

For example, I may ask you how it feels when the sun shines on your face. You may not be able to describe it. But you know through direct experience how it feels when the sun shines. You just simply know. Similarly, you receive responses with Mother Ayahuasca.

Shaman Ismael and Sophie assisted. Limis (a 58 year old singer from Latvia) was along with me. The Shaman also consumes Ayahuasca with you so that he can be connected.

This ancient Andean concoction triggers emotions, memories where disturbing experiences are stored. Blocks are removed. May be certain neural pathways get rewired. It makes you confront those fears that have been pushed away under the rug. Small and big. Then it purges those and makes you view everything differently. Therefore cleanses you.

The process is extremely difficult. Requires fasting for 24 hours and abstaining from alcohol, chocolate etc. for weeks. You will need commitment from the heart and trust to surrender to a higher consciousness.

*
It took more than an hour before I could feel anything. The Shaman began singing. These are ancient sounds that create many vibrations in the body and mind.

When I first heard that he would be singing, I found it odd wondering about the purpose. But the sounds are very powerful. Vibrating your organs, your body. It also helps in purging the toxins out. 

Taking it out.

There are two pathways where it comes out. By vomiting. By diarrheal excretions.

In the beginning, I felt nauseous and the urge to vomit but not much would come out. Then when it began, it just came out. Every time I puked, I could feel it taking out something. Some block. When a disturbing thought or memory surfaced, I would puke. It took out that block inside.

The physical, emotional, chemical, psychological phenomena became one. Why do we think it’s any different?

After the initial vomiting, I had a deeply psychedelic experience. Your heart and energies open up to a vast universal energy. It’s almost like there’s a connection that gets established to wide and open consciousness - the whole - the entire thing.

It gives you access to all knowledge. You receive answers to any question you have. From the smallest of the smallest to the largest of the largest. When you receive, you receive it experientially. Imagine you open a window from your room to an open field. You can see everything there is. You can choose to look at specific things - like say a certain flower or the entire thing. All questions and all answers exist in the open field.

During that period I asked many questions to Mother Ayahuasca.

I asked if there was life beyond earth. The answer I received was that life exists everywhere. And it’s all interconnected and woven intricately. That’s why everything is important. Every small thing (every memory, episode, interaction, person, plant, animal) has a place. What we do affects the whole. What happens in the whole affects us.

I asked about the purpose of life. The answer I received was to give comfort and take care of others. Make the lives of others’ easier. To not hesitate from speaking the larger truth. To share with others and to wake them up. To purify and purify, clean and clean society.

I asked about the company and its growth. The answer I received was...that it’s already growing and to allow it to grow. To keep doing. To not limit our doing to only certain areas but expand in all areas. To create things and means that comforts people (not conveniences but comfort like solace). The pointlessness of money. Whatever you take, the earth takes back anyways in form or the other. To use the company as a tool to take care of others.

I asked why we do what we do (the things that aren’t conducive). The answer I received was... because we forget. We forget our true nature. Who we are. How we are connected. With everything. Every small thing.

I also received experiential insight into how disease forms. I saw a yellowish bile (or felt it) in a dark tunnel. It might’ve been while vomiting out. When something held back comes out. The thing is we don't let things come out. Our emotions, our memories, our negative experiences, our guilt...we are unable to let them go. These accumulate over time. At all points of time, our body carries both good and bad. Toxins reside all the time. Not all is excreted. The body doesn’t differentiate between physical and psychological - it’s all the same for it. Both states are interchangeable. A bad thought is the same as bad food or drugs or the air we breath or something we drink - undistinguishable — either the body uses something, excretes what it doesn’t need or simply stores. So it stores. 
Whatever our mind holds back inside (including deep rooted memories) - it holds without letting it go. When these are harmful (something that causes a negative feeling versus a pleasant feeling), they sometimes manifest physically. Cancers or tumors. Pains. Could be any kind of physical discomfort. When the body ages or weakens in strength, the disease takes over.

This vision became so clear that I kept saying of course, of course and it’s obvious. The ancients lived in harmony with nature. Thousands and thousands of generations lived normally and quite simply. The body whether it’s a human or plant or animal lives its time and naturally gives away, becomes part of earth (Pachamama). Our remains are utilized for the growth of others via plants and animals. That’s the natural process. It’s how it’s always been.

When the chemical balance is altered (outside or within) that’s when the problems begin. It could be infectious diseases that come in close proximity to animals. Livestock has already been altered by farmers for hundreds of years. Therefore our food. In the present times, it’s chronic disease - that might very well be our body’s inability to deal with a changing chemical balance. Greater stress.

In medicine and our research, our focus is mainly outward-in. We are focusing on the outward. We focus on specializations. We obsess about information. But it’s pointless. The source is somewhere else. Deeper. That goes unaddressed. Inside-out. These thoughts came to me.

An old Inca or Quechua man kept coming in my vision. A man with dark brown skin, somewhat thin, old, with native features. His presence offered comfort through the process. That he just stayed or was there. I might have even wanted to be like him. To just be.

It also occurred to me that our notions of lion being the king of the jungle and such are flawed. The lion or any other animal doesn’t think of itself as a king or leader. It simply lives. Neither do other animals think of the lion as such. These are our stories that we extend beyond ourselves.

Sophie kept tapping my back with a large blackish feather of a condor. When she mentioned about it in the beginning before the process began, I didn’t think much of it.

During the process when she kept doing it, it offered comfort and help the passing of the vomit - it helped it come out.

I had the vision of a condor. With large black wings. I became the condor. That vision somehow gave me strength. A overarching theme of taking responsibility for all kept occurring. To take care of everyone.

I asked about meat. The response I received was that it’s important to know where food is coming from, how it comes.

At one point, the hallucinations seemed to have taken over. Just kept going somewhere. I realized I kept on rubbing my head and shoulders against the wall. At that point, I heard the Shaman say via Sophie to make me breathe three times. I did. It brought me back.

He said, “Pra-vin” (like the Peruvians call me - the v sounds like w sounds like b).

“Hmm...Hmmm,” he said. It’s a very typical Quechuan way of saying. I had first noticed Jois (our trek guide) saying it. It means many things. Like here we are now...or so that’s that or we both understand where we are or we’ve understood each other.

That you can only understand after you spend some time here. “Hmm...hmmm,” I repeated.
He laughed. I laughed.

“Viva Peru!” He said. Yes indeed. “Viva Peru!” I repeated.

He didn’t exactly say it but I could get it. That I had to come all the way here to cleanse. And how.
By then the process had become clear. I was purging via vomit or by going to toilet.

And everything that surfaced had to be purged. Taken out. Earlier Sophie had instructed us to be on all fours while vomiting into the bucket that was left next to us. Like a dog. It helps.

So there I was on all fours. The bucket looked like a dark abyss. I would vomit into it. I would even say, “Arre come out!” I also started speaking in Telugu.

I heard Sophie laughing softly.

In the toilet, I would thank what exited. For leaving me. I kept saying good, good, good.
After I was done with the toilet, Sophie would wait with a towel outside. Every single time I got scared of her. She looked like a ghost in the darkness. I could never see her features. I knew it was her but still was terrified of going closer. How the mind plays games.

Later during the process the Shaman said that there was great energy amongst Limis (the Latvian singer who was also there in the room with me) and me. It was actually a kind of 3-way energy. He said Limis was my brother.

Limis said, you look like me. Next morning we held hands while leaving. He was in bodily pain. So that was that. Hmm...hmmm. 

Resources: NCBI Study: The Therapeutic Potentials of Ayahuasca: Possible Effects against Various Diseases of Civilization, Scientific American: Ayahuasca Psychedelic Tested for Depression, Quartz: The ayahuasca ceremony is going under the scientific-method microscope, Peru Shamans (where I went).

[Machu Picchu]: Day 5 of Salkantay trek (Machu Picchu)

(Aguas Calientas - Machu Picchu - train to Ollantaytambo)

I woke up at 4.45am. 5.30am or so was departure by bus. I remember standing in line with Andrea. Somehow the topic shifted to why we travel. It was about her. But I remember sharing. It was engaging and throughout the bus journey. For her it was discovery and trying to find herself amidst the noise. Dr. M read that as midlife crisis kicking in early. :)

The hotel was fine, functional. I took nice long bath. Mosquitos had bitten the hell out of feet. Red big spots. I bought red, alpaca wool socks outside it. I forgot my card in the ATM, the bank security guard approached me and gave it. Outside.

Early morning itself there was a line to the bus. Water at the shop was expensive - S/.4.

I was happy we were going. Took a pic of my tix. There at Machu Picchu - it was like a busy, busy tourist site. Early morning still. At any given time, apparently there are a 1,000+ people. But it's very well organized, maintained. Toilets are outside and paid ones.

I wonder what my first impressions were. It's nice, pleasant. I took pics. I was indeed impressed with what humans do. It's up there. And so wide. There's a certain technical nature to the construction. While there's broader symmetry, they aren't obsessed about it at the granular level. A lot of it seemed like living quarters. Like a mini-city. Temple. Religious areas. Living areas. I took one video for B from there (it was because of him, I was there!). It's very beautiful.

But I was so glad we didn't come here first. I was glad for choosing Salkantay and not one of the Inca trails. I was much more open and accepting of the crowds and the touristy-nature (was quite open by then) because we already came from the mountains deep.

At around 10am, Andrea went to hike Waynapicchu. We went for the Sun gate. We lost Mads somewhere in that transition but ran into him later. Jhois seemed pre-occupied generally since the past day.

The hike up to and down from Sun Gate was what I most enjoyed. It was just fun. I was taking pics, videos. Generally frolicking. On top, sat with Sarah and lazed. Gazed at everything. Actually I did this many times on the way up. There's a security guard right on top at the sun gate. He keeps whistling whenever you sit with your legs touching the terrace/steps. You are supposed to keep it up - like you can sit crosslegged.

On the way down, I met one Slovakian. He was singing a folk song. I asked him which language. Then he said he would sing for me too. I took a video of it. Fun! Then he said, $20 jokingly. He told me India special, India special. He's traveled to Varanasi, the ghats (he indicated with his hands, going up! Then I understood he was referring to Manikarnika Ghat...hmmm I've been there few years back).

In one area, one lady - she was chubby and round - she wore one long dress, white with flowers. She kept rotating and swaying her dress - her husband was taking pics. This was somewhere on Machu Picchu. People do the most interesting things. Have the most interesting desires.

Sarah wanted me to do Macarena with her. I refused, too shy to do it there. But Dr. M did. I took the video. She had wanted to do it for many years. ("Okay, we're good!") Then she wanted Dr. M and I to do free-style. I sang yeh dosti (why that song!) and he hummed along. It was fun. When I look at that video now - it's so crazy really - it's this really wonder of the world types heritage site and I'm there singing loudly. It's interesting. I wonder what happened to the shyness.

[Machu Picchu history]
Hiram Bingham, an American explorer, was the one to make Machu Picchu so public. He wrote a book called the lost city. As I understood from Larco museum, it's surprising that the thing we know so much about Peru is about the Inca civilization and Machu Picchu - whereas the whole thing lasted only a 100 years. Humanity in Peru has existed for tens of thousands of years. There's evidence from even 70,000 years ago. We are talking of a really old primitive place. But yet we know mainly Machu Picchu. Satyajit Ray also chose to highlight it in Agantuk. But the world's knowledge is only from 1911. (I later saw a movie, Lost City of Z in NJ - Percy's discoveries coincide around the same timeline - I was thinking it also coincides with the Jalianwalabagh tragedy when India was dealing with its own problems pre-independence).

Other people's dreams become yours. So may be it wasn't B's dream. But may be we all have to thank Hiram Bingham. He made us dream.

Jhois said, he was the first Westerner (or whatever he word he used) to discover it. But the local people, Quechua people knew of it all along. They just didn't think of it to be a big deal. When Hiram Bingham traveled, explored, the local people (may be a farmer) showed him this. He was surprised by the scale of what he discovered, wrote about it, it became popular etc. The West seems to think (this is so deeply ingrained it's crazy) that what they discover marks the first time. I see this pervasive in the Indian context too - for e.g. in math. There's was much before Pythagorus - apparently he borrowed his ideas from Arabia who learnt about zero and other concepts from India. But modern history credits only Western astronomers, scientists etc. - may be D is right. By rooting out language, culture, we make people forget their past. Then we replace what we already know.

That's basically what Spanish conquerers did. They didn't think, oh let's learn about the Quechua people and what they have to offer to the world. They thought let's just wipe them out completely. Same in India. Mughal invasions are similar. Somehow religion plays a key role everywhere. Conquerers feel if they wipe out religious beliefs, people change, they become themselves. Quechua will become Spanish if their temples are replaced by churches. Humans are weird really. Anyway, everything keeps changing.

Jhois said perhaps Machu Picchu could've been just a retreat. Cusco had the industries. It was widely connected by roads to other places. The Spanish never found it so it remains - they didn't plunder or destroy it or change it into a Spanish town. Cusco looks like a semi-European city. With 11 churches. There's a huge Basilica. The Quechua people abandoned it just a 100 years later - coinciding it with the Spanish conquest. Most of the skeletons that were found could've been those of servants. So may be they were simply looking after it. While the Inca rulers functioned from their main cities. They may not have even called it Machu Picchu.

Perhaps it's overly popular. There might be other, more complex, more detailed archeological sites. But they aren't popular. And we live in a world of popular. There's still a lot of discovery going on. Who knows what we don't know. What secrets the jungles hide, the mountains hide.

All aside, it's still a spectacular site. What the Incas did was amazing.

[Back to the trek]
With that the trek was over. Just like that. We might've walked about 80km. All kinds of terrains. What can I say...it was very nice. It bound me to Peru.

[Machu Picchu]: Day 4 of Salkantay trek (reaching Aguas Calientas)

(Llactapata Mirador - Hydroelectric waterfalls, Mandor Hiram Binghams Farm - Aguas Calientas Hotel, 14km, 2,000m altitude)

It was long day. Cloudy morning. We reached Aguas Calientas by 3pm or so.

Internet makes people occupied. (Sarah Facetimed that night, Andrea had issues with her money bag, Facetimed dog...). People were also busy with phones during dinner or before. Can't remember now.

I didn't think much of the day or path leading up to Aguas Calientas. It was next to the train track, all after lunch. It just kept going and going. Outside it said many diverse species of birds etc. But all I saw were people and people and people. I kept saying, I'm scared to return etc. I see people! :) My usual issues with adjusting back.

People were mostly from South America I think. Some with very interesting, beautiful faces, features. It was interesting that way.

Dr. M and I even stopped at a coffee shop and had coffee!

Went shopping with Andrea in the evening. She was racing up and down. I liked to loiter and stroll! :)

I got stuff from a lady who had two children. Something. I just stayed. She patiently got one dress for size. Bought most things from that one shop. Andrea was looking for a bag.

Earlier, Sarah told me how her grandpa moved from Wisconsin to Alaska. She lives in Anchorage. German-Swedish descent. How her family organizes reunions every 2 or 4 years (I forget now). Where everyone wears a label etc. She finished studying at nursing school. In Alaska, PAs are docs, she said.

Evening at dinner I had pisco sour again (not required). By this dinner, everyone's minds were already dissipated. We were in the city-like, touristy atmosphere again. Andrea had said, it's okay to be like tourists ("Why not be a tourist sometimes?"). I want to take pics and do that stuff. True. It's fine too.

At one point, I was continuously walking on those side wooden things of the rail track. It became a bridge. I just kept going. Then after about a fourth complete, I realized I was in the middle of this trail track with nothing but water underneath. I had balance alright but then one slip in the middle and I could go down. That's when fear crept in. I saw there was actually a walk-way on the side of the bridge that I hadn't even seen. Then I walked back. It was interesting to see how fear shapes our behavior. Until I had fear, I just simply walked. Then I became ultra careful and it was more difficult.

I think it might've been this day. Dr. M had a really tough time in the descent. The path was slushy with rain. Feet sinking in all the time. He was annoyed saying why is it so. He was also worried about not falling or hurting himself and that he had so much work on monday and patients. The stress caused him to sweat. I tried my best to distract him. I was happy I was able to take his bag, share how to do, be useful, and my body was wonderful - no pains, it just was so comfortable. Also descending - the way to do it - like cycling - the mind had become one with it. It became more natural.

We tipped the porters and chef etc. in the evening. This thing of tipping kept surfacing in conversations. That was that anyways.

[Machu Picchu]: Becoming one with life on the Llactapata trail (Day 3)

I'll write as it is. Had written it in my drawing book. Backwards.

April 17, 2017. afternoon. Machu Picchu.

Hmmmm...I'm sitting in front of M-P as I had called it. Some Spanish music in the background (Sarah's playing). They are lying down. I'm sitting on grass. Just drew. Lunch was very tasty. Nature all around. A bee buzzes every now and then. It was hot - now slightly cooler.

I want to say. The walk here - the penultimate part was intense. I couldn't believe I was so close. Like seeing the mountains from amidst the trees, bushes sometimes like just a glimpse. It was a jungle. Only quiet jungle sounds - crickets, wind or breeze, bees buzzing...It was lush green. With ferns. With moss. All over trees. I hugged a smallish tree. My heart area touched the trunk. My cheeks touched.

It wasn't very different from hugging another human being. I can't exactly tell why. It was life. It brought about the same feeling within. It was curly-soft-green. The trunk, the tree felt real. Like a person, living thing. I can't even call anything a thing. And then it happened...

I might've hugged again...it happened. I removed my shoes and socks at one point. The earth felt cool. Intense. Drew me into it. My feet would sink in the mud. The mud clasped my feet. Softly. It was then I think it happened. I became completely one. With everything. I lost a sense of space and time. Even an ant carrying a green little food - I just became one. I paused and took deep breathes.

Saw my body - observed within. It was so clear. Every part. Slight back I would feel. But that was different - more physical, visceral. I merged.

A flood of memories came. Most intense ones. I cried. I cried and cried. It just felt so clean. So empty. There was really no me. I just became one. Most intense life experiences, memories, people flashed by. And then I'd kept going. The soil - cool earth holding me, my feet. How do I even describe that? I had no questions. Just an overwhelming feeling of thankfulness.

Thankfulness to whom, to what. I don't know. Means I know but it's not of the world's realm. It's almost like when something blends into water - not like salt or sugar but more like glass. What if you dip a piece of see-through clear glass into water that's flowing. Are you the glass? Are you the water? It is different. But also one. When you see it. The memories, the life, the viscera remind you of the distinction between the glass and water. And then again, in between those moments it becomes one. It's all the same.

There's a one-ness. At one point, I weeped a lot. There was something I had done - something subtle where I hurt Nature. The smallest of things that our memory carries as these burdens of life. You become so, so soft. How could I think of anything or anyone in Nature as any different from me. The people who love me, whom I love. Who've come along, been there with me. Once when I closed my eyes. I went back. Nana, mummy, grandparents - amma, bava. Bava's parents. My brother. My son. My loves. The loss. Everything became one - in a flood. May be, this is what you finally experience before the body sees its soul, the soul leaves the body. Almost every single person - everything. Not just one person. But the whole - many, many, many things that build up a single moment.

Nothing matters. The earthly things seen on another realm. I thought what Ayahuasca might mean. How it might've felt for an Andean to walk on this same soil. Who am I? What is life? Is there time? Does it matter? Am I different from the ant? Isn't there life in the soil that I walk on? That's carrying me. What is there to love? Or not love? How can I have a distinct emotion when I'm already part of it? I became very, very soft.

Why do most intense experiences memories stand out? When A was born? The spots of blood on his scrotum. That's what I had seen first. The lung (?). The depth. When S was young. The early, early days - the feeling of it. The parents who came before me - who brought me here. The gift they gave me of life.

The ancient Andeans believed procreation was central to how life happens. The heaven. The earth. The dead. When you love, when you merge - the heaven merges with the earth through rain. Therefore sex becomes the means to connect. To give a continuum across time, across space. That's what creates life across all creation. That's why it's one of the most intense experiences. That's why it gives the bliss, the pain. It causes wars. It's connected to desire.

Daniel Kahnmann had said we remember the peak experiences and the end. That's true for all of life. When we pass on, we remember the peaks - the intense moments. And then we know what's happening around. And then we pass on. Actually there's nothing to pass onto. We just merge.

It's not a sad or even a mildly sad emotion. The total other end. It's a flood of completeness. You merge. When you become one. What is there to think or feel?

[there's a drawing of fluid space all around, arrows show up, down, right, left]

How could you feel sad or angry or anything? Guruji always says what's your relationship with yourself? That's your relationship with your Guru. But it's for all. You look at people, at life, all - with a certain thankfulness - it's all there - everything - to bring you to this point. Actually, it's not bring you because that signifies a linear movement of time. But there's no time. How can there be time? In the whole.

How do I put it? Like say there's a space. Yes you can measure the distance between two points in that larger space. You could even more from one point to the other. But how does it matter? You are within the space. How can one point judge the other point? Isn't it all pointless? Ha!

On an earthly level. I thought of B. Why didn't he come? He could've. It's so easy in a certain way. Like that I thought of different things.

When I finally reached the campsite. My shoes tied together over my shoulders. Bag behind. Feet. Me. I simply walked all the way to the very end.

I saw the expanse of the mountains. The range. The Andean range. Then I finally knew I was there with people. I had smiled and waved. But I was still within.

I finally came back. I took pictures. Selfie-even. :-)

Then later. Much later. Middle of lunch, thanks to Joyce I realized I was looking at and walked up to Machu Picchu all along (when I reached the very end). Once I saw the ruins, it just stayed. I saw Wayna Picchu, the ruins or their construction or what the Incas built - along the ridge line. Then to the right of it is Machu Picchu. A mountain amongst many in the sacred Andes.